For many people, the 1st of November is the first sign of the approaching winter. In some religions, this date is celebrated as the “Feast of All Saints” and being the day after All Hallow’s Eve, it’s traditionally the time when we remember our loved ones who’ve crossed over. 

It can be an especially upsetting time for people who have recently lost someone close to them.

On the First of November, we think about our loved ones who have passed on. We can decide to remember them with a heavy pain in our chest, or alternatively, we can choose to think of them with love and affection. 

If you know me, you’ll know that I’m very passionate about the last option. I’d really love to see all of you to remember your cherished ones without a shred of pain, but with love and connection in your heart. 

During the days of my intense grieving, I never thought it could be possible, but with my daughter’s guidance, I did it. Our relationship is pure love, but it goes even deeper than that. I was really struggling with her loss. 

This is because of the social conditioning and negative belief systems I’d grown up with. I truly believed that if I was a really good mother, then I should spend the rest of my life remembering my daughter with pain.

My healing process really made me confront my emotions, feelings which for 9 months had made me think I was the worst mum on the planet. During that time, I gained an extra 10 pounds, literally eating my way through the pain. Nobody ever told me I was allowed to heal from my hurt, that it was okay to completely heal from the pain of losing your child. I felt as though I was being punished twice.

Why do we want to hold on to pain? 

For myself, I was torn. I wanted to hold onto the hurt because it connected me with my daughter. I thought that giving up on that pain would mean losing her. This is what we’re taught to believe, and is the established process recognized by society. On the other hand, I was still communicating with my Nela. Although this was real for me, it wasn’t acceptable in society. This was my conundrum. Ultimately, I went with my intuition and put all my faith in my connection with Nela (which has always been about love and not hurt.) Being brave enough to let go of the pain is the best thing I ever did because it brought us even closer together. My youngest son Aleks was my reward for that courageous decision.

Please understand that I know the holidays are a scary time, but try to look at things from another perspective. It really doesn’t have to be that way.

The time around the 1st of November up until the New Year is the time when the veil between the worlds is much thinner. It’s your chance to let go of the pain and create a deeper connection with your loved ones. Build new relationships and build new ways. Don’t be stuck in the pain which ultimately can only stagnate your relationship with those on the other side.

Only you can decide what feels right, but I hope you’ll take some time to reflect on your choices and see that there’s always more than one way to express your love.

If you need any help or guidance with it, feel free to contact me

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Or write to me

milena.kosak@ario.net

You are never alone, 

With love 
Milena