to change your life permanently. And you never expected it…

Dear Nela,

Happy birthday, my sweet baby.  Today would have been your fourth birthday. There’s so much I’d like to say to you, but I can’t seem to find the right words.

I miss you so very much. Saying that seems so weak and shallow. It doesn’t even come close to letting you know how much I miss your beautiful energy and vitality. I miss your smiles, but most of all I miss your big hugs. My mum had a dream about you last night. I wish you had been in my dreams – but you didn’t come.

Sometimes when I think about you, I’m completely calm because I know you’re happy and safe, but there are times when I miss you so much it’s unbearable. I’m afraid I’ll forget how you looked. Most of all, I’m scared I won’t be able to remember the feel of your curly hair, or that I’ll forget your smile and your kisses. I know these are just fleeting moments; so many things remind me that you’re close by. I always know you’re around, sometimes even right beside me. Every time I see the number 33, I know you’re here. I know it’s you. You always wink back!

I’m so thankful I had you in my life, even for such a short time. I’m glad you chose me to be part of your life – although I long for more. The next time you get to choose a new challenge on your spiritual journey, remember it’s not as easy here as it might seem in heaven. Life is so empty without you. I love you so much that it hurts.

My dear baby, I’m sending warm kisses and a huge hug to you over the rainbow…

Your Mummy

On October 28th 2008, my beautiful daughter Nela came into the World. I’d chosen her name six years before she was born. I’d been waiting for her arrival for all of this time. I can’t describe the joy I felt. I had two perfect children; a boy and a girl. My life was now complete.

On October 31st we brought our beautiful baby home. Everyone adored her. From the very first moment that Žan set eyes on her, his heart melted. They’ve always had an incredibly strong bond between them. They still do.

Time passed by and I watched my two angels grow. I was so proud of them both. Nela was a smart, bright, child. She was just so full of life. Like all children, she could sometimes be naughty, but I often got the feeling she was much older than her years. She was a brave, wise, old soul.

Until it happened. In short three weeks she died at the age of three. I never thought it could happen to me, but it did. I suddenly found myself on a roller coaster of emotions, pain and deep grief. My whole life vanished in a second and I did not have a return ticket. I couldn’t go back.

But I somehow survived… actually not just survived…I transformed my grief and completely healed my life.

If I could do it, so can you!

You are on a roller coaster.

Are you ready to get off, reconnect to your beloved one who had passed on, start to lead your life in a direction that you truly want? Without the need to forget about your beloved one who had passed on? On contrary, but to incorporate him in your life again on a totally different level?

Then buckle up and let yourself join me on this ride.

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