In December 2011, my three year old daughter Nela got sick. Just a few weeks later she died. It happened. The unimaginable. I lost my child.
I always thought it would never happen to me. That sort of thing only happens in films, or to other people.
But it did happen to me. It was real. My daughter’s death didn’t just shake my world, it burnt it down to ashes. But I wasn’t alone in my suffering. My son lost his beloved sister. Seeing him suffer increased my pain tenfold. Watching my boy struggle with the pain, I made a bold decision.
Right then and there I decided enough was enough. I wasn’t going to increase that suffering by becoming a shadow. My son needed a fully present mother who was filled with life. A mum who is alive.
He needed me now more than ever. I realized that although I was hurting, the best thing I could possibly do, was to heal my heart and heal my life. I just didn’t know how to reach that. Hence my journey through grief begun.
Soon after that, Nela started communicating with me. Of course I thought I was going mad. It was Nela who made me realize that she wasn’t responsible for my life not turning out as I planned.
I had no right to blame her for my decision to crumble. She showed me the path. It wasn’t easy. Everywhere I turned I came up against a wall of deeply ingrained belief:
You cannot heal from the loss of a child.
You will never fully recover from the pain.
The pain you feel will be part of you forever.
Your grief will never end.
As if losing your child wasn’t devastating enough, I had to be punished forever. It was a double blow to my heart. But I found a way. I healed. Completely. Nela is still an integral part of our family (not just for me but for all of us.) I still look at her picture and feel love and gratitude, but I no longer feel the weight of her passing. I am able to connect with her in a totally different way.
The conversations with my daughter showed me that it is not only my right, but my obligation to heal. She made me see that very clearly.
Now I’m here for you. I’m here to help you heal your pain, and show you how to mend your heart and your life. I want to show you how to join both worlds together and completely heal from your loss, by staying connected to your loved ones who have passed away.
It is your right to experience a full life. You owe it to all your children, those who are here, and those who have passed on. Your children want and need that from you. Their only goal is to see you happy. They do not deserve the burden of responsibility and pain. And you owe it to yourself.
I’d love to share my story with you because I know you need to believe that you can come back from terrible pain and trauma. I am living proof of it and I have a blueprint and a roadmap for your healing. My mission is to inspire you to begin that healing process.
Let me help you make sense of your loss and pain. Let me walk with you on this journey. I have so much to share. You are not alone.
“Mummy, you will be the best mum ever, if you allow yourself to heal.” Nela
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